I never thought it would come to this...

I feel as if things are starting to change and the winds are blowing colder. When you step outside your comfort level and away from a circle of friends who would lay down on train tracks for you, the outcome isn't always worthy of the Big Screen.

I won't go into great detail, for many reasons. Let's just say I feel uncomfortable. I would say unsafe, but my life is in no imminent danger. I do, though, feel my opinions and freedoms are stifled. In "The God Delusion" Richard Dawkins talks about an Atheists evolution. For those who were brought up in religion, like me, we go through a change and come to realize our convictions. He equates this to when a homosexual comes out of the closet. I have to say, though I am not gay, the experience, when put along the same ideas as mine, have some similarities. I had to specifically tell people and let them understand that I don't believe like everyone. I experienced support, confusion and some who down right despised me for this. Mainly people were a bit taken a back, for a moment and then moved on, almost immediately. Like I said before, there are some parallels.

My point is this, I have encountered individuals lately who feel it is their duty to "speak their mind", criticize me and make me feel..."wrong" (whatever that may mean)for what I believe to be the truth. A truth, I have NEVER put on others. It has come to a point where if I am working or just hanging out, I have to worry about about certain subjects that are spoken, which lead to me being the center of attention for being an atheist. I can't put it into words specifically, but I know it sucks. It hampers my work and it makes me feel less than good about myself, because I feel it necessary to defend myself as well as make them look awful for being wholly "unchristian". I am snippy and shut them up with little joy in my face. I was told the other day that god was there to "make good men better", do what you will with that statement. It doesn't stop there, I am made fun for being a vegetarian as well as an atheist, I am called a pagan boy and frankly it fucking sucks. Mostly I am frustrated, because I feel like this is low humor, you should be capable of finding better subjects in order to poke fun at me. I can give you quite a list.

I completely understand that I should be strong and just "suck it up", because it is all in fun, but it is all in fun, for them. For decades we have empowered women, gays, black people, ALL people not to take any form of denigration. Why? Because this language hurts and is dangerous. But let's face it, we are a nation of hypocrites. We watch women call each other "bitch", gays drop "fag" and "dyke", so on and so forth. There is no slag for atheism, Our word alone is all some need. Sam Harris, author of "Letter to a Christian Nation" says that "Atheist" is not a word we need at all. We don't have a word which describes an individual who doesn't believe in gravity or thunderstorms or toasters! We throw words out of the language all of the time, why not now?

I am honestly stuck. Am I suppose to take this? Is it all in my head? How do I treat those who find me "interesting" and/or think less of me. All it would take is for me to believe in a god and I would be right as rain. I would be EXACTLY the same person, with exception of this one detail...I am palatable with faith, but without, am I a threat? The term "angry" isn't the word that comes to mind. The word is almost indescribable, because I don't usually fight (in any form). What I WANT to do is tell every person I come in contact with that they are stupid, mislead and the worst example of any human I can think of. Sometimes I feel like I am being too sensitive, too rigid and as some say...too liberal.

I used to think that these were MY beliefs, but now I start to see them as the truth, I am starting to care less and less what others choose to put their faith in, because if mine isn't respected, why should I bother respecting yours? If in the minds of those I meet, they think my opinions are fringe or possibly dangerous, why shouldn't I make them aware of the horrors their religion(s) are responsible for, not to mention being linked to some of the biggest, most tragic lies ever told? Maybe because I want this world to be a little better in my corner of the earth. Maybe because militant atheism, militant ANYTHING leads to nothing worth living...and maybe because pushing others who disagree away makes for a boring life, one sided conversations and a slow evolution...get it? I am funny.